How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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Ah, I had a great boomerang joke...

It'll come back to me.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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