How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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