How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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