How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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