How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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