How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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