How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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A seal walks into a club...
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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