How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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