How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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