How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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