How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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