How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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