How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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