How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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