How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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