How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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