How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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