How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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