How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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