How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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