How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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