How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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