How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.

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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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