How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What would you call a humorous knee?

Fun-ny!
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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