How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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