How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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