How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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