How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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