How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What is a boxer's favorite drink?

Punch.
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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