How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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