How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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