How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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