How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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