How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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