How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What did Tennessee?

The same thing Arkansas.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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