How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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