How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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