How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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