How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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