How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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