How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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