How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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