How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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