How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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