How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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