How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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