How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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