How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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