How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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