How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.

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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!

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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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