How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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