How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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