How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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