How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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Why did Bach have so many children?

He did not have a stop on his organ.

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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