How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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