How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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