How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.

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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What does cheese like to drink?

Morbier
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.

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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops

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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk

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