How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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