How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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