How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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