How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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