How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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