How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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A seal walks into a club...
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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