How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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