How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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