How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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