How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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