How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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Name four men that are in a rock group together but none of them sing nor play music...

Mt Rushmore. They're a rock group.. it's a rock...group
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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