How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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