How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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