How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.

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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.

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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.

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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess

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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.

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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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