How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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