How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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