How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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