How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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