How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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