How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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