How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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