How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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