How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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