How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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