How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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