How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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