How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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