How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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