How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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