How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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