How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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