How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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