How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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