How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why did Bach have so many children?

He did not have a stop on his organ.

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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