How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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