How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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