How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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