How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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