How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.

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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.

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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to

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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.

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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel

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