How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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