How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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