How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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