How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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