How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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