How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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