How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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