How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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