How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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