How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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