How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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