How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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