How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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