How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.

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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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