How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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