How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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