How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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