How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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