How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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