How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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