How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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