How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.

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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed

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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh

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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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