How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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