How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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