How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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