How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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