How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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