How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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