How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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