How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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