How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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