How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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