How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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