How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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