How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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