How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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