How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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The stormtrooper was enjoying the Wookie steak,

but it was a little Chewie.
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