How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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