How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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