How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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