How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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