How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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