How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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