How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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