How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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