How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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