How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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