How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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