How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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