How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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