How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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