How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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