How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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Why did Bach have so many children?

He did not have a stop on his organ.

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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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