How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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