How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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