How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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