How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.

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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.

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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.

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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed

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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.

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How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That isn't funny!

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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.

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