How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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