How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.

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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.

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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.

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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.

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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy

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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.

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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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