How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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