How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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