How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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