How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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