How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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