How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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