How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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