How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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