How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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