How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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