How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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