How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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