How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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