How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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