How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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