How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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