How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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