How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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