How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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