How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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