How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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