How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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