How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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