How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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