How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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