How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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