How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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