How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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