How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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