How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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