How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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