How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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