How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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