How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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