How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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