How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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