How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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