How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.

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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.

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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!

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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.

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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.

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