How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!

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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.

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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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