How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

Snowflakes.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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