How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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