How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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