How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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