How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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