How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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