How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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