How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!

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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.

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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.

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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.

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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!

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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.

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