How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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