How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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