How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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