How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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