How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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