How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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