How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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