How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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