How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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