How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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