How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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