How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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