How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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