How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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