How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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