How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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