How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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