How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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