How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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