How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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