How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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