How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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