How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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