How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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Which search engine is popular amongst mice?

Ask Cheese.
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