How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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