How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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