How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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