How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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