How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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