How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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