How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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