How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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