How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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