How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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