How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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