How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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