How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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