How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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