How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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