How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.

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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit

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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday

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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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