How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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