How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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