How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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