How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.

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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.

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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.

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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.

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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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