How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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