How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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