How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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