How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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