How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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