How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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