How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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