How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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