How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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