How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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