How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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