How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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