How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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