How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That isn't funny!
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