How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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