How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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