How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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