How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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