Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.
or
Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.
A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
or
Through the engineers.
or
Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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Address.
or