How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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