How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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