How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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