How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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