How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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