How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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