How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card

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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.

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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.

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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."

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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.

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