How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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