How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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