How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!

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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.

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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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