How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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