How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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