How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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