How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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