How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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