How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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