How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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