How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Why is b always cool?

Because it's between ac.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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