How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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