How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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