How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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