How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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