How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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