How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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