How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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