How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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