How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.

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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.

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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.

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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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