How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison

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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."

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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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