How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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