How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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