How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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