How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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