How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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