How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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