How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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