How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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