How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink

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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck

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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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What would you call a humorous knee?

Fun-ny!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear

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