How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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