How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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