How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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