How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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