How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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