How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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