How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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