How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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