How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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