How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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