How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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