How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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