How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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