How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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