How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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