How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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