How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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