How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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