How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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