How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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