How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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