How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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