How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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