How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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