How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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