How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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