How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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The stormtrooper was enjoying the Wookie steak,

but it was a little Chewie.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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