How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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