How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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