How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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