How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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