How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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