How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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