How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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