How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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