How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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