How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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