How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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