How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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