How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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