How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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