How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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