How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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