How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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