How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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