How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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