How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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