How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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