How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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