How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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