How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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