How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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