How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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