How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What does cheese like to drink?

Morbier
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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