How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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