How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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