How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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