How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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