How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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