How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.

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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.

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Why is b always cool?

Because it's between ac.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish

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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.

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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang

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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.

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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.

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