How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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