How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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