How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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