How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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