How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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