How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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