How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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