How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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