How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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