How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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