How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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