How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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