How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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