How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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