How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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