How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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