How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.

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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.

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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.

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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.

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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks

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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear

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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Where is a rabbit's favorite place to eat?

Ihop
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