How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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