How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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