How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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