How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon

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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.

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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.

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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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