How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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