How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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