How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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