How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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