How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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