How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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