How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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