How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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