How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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