How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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