How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Dorian Gray Jokes,

they never get old!
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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