How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.

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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.

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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them

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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow

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