How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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