How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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