How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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