How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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