How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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