How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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