How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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