How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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