How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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