How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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