How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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