How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.


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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.

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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".

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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.

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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.

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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.

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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.

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