How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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