How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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