How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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