How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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