How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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