How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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