How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?

This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile . . .
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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