How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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