How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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