How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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