How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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