How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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