How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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