How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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