How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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