How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.

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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!

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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.

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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.

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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.

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