How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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