How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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