How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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