How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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