How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.

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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs

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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!

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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.

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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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