How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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