How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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