How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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