How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.


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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.


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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."


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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it


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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.


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What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

Snowflakes.


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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.


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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")


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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.


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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.


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