How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What would you call a humorous knee?

Fun-ny!
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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