How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.

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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.

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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.

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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish

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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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