How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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