How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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