How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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