How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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