How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?


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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."

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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.

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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.

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