How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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