How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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