How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''

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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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