How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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