How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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