How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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