How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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