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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What do planets like to read?
Comet books!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.
That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?
Feyonce
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?
Lipstick.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.
She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?
Two babies screaming!
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
To practice.
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