How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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