How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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