How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.

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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.

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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.

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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.


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