How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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