How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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