How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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What did Tennessee?

The same thing Arkansas.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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