How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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