How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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