How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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