How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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