How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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