How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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