How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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