How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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