How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.

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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.

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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon


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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!

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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.

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