How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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