How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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