How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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