How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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