How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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