How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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