How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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