How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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