How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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