How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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