How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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