How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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