How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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