How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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