How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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