How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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