How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.


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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.

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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!

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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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