How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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