How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.

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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.

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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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