How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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