How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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