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How many lawyer jokes are there?
Only three. The rest are true stories.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?
A fire cracker
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What goes up and down but never moves?
Stairs.
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What washes up on small beaches?
Microwaves.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,
he's bisatchel.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?
Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What can you hold without using your hands?
Your breath!
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?
Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."
The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?
A Dogwood
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