How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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