How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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