How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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