How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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