How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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