How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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