How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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