How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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