How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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