How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.

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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!

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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.

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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.

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