How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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