How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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