How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What would you call a humorous knee?

Fun-ny!
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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