How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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