How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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