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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:
"Pint please, and one for the road."
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How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?
Mummies!
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?
Use a pen.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?
An in-car-nation.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.
That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?
Orange Is The New Black.
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