How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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