How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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