How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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