How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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