How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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What do bees do with their honey?

They cell it.
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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