How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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