How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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