How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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