How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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