How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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