How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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