How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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