How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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