How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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