How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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