How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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