How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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