How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes six visits.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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