How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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