How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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