How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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