How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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