How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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