How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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