How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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