How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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