How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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