How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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