How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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