How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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