How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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