How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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