How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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