How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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