How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.


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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.

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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish

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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy

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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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