How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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