How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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A seal walks into a club...
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