How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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