How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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