How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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