How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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