How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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