How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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