How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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