How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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