How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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A seal walks into a club...
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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