How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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