How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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