How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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