How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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