How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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