How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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