How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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