How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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