How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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