How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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