How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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