How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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