How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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