How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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