How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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