How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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