How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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