How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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