How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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