How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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