How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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