How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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