How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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