How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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