How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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